Making Friends In Your Thirties
Growing up I had lots of friends. I was always outgoing and connecting with people has never been a challenge to me. I am a people person. However, I once thought that the more friends I had represented how likeable I was. It made me feel secure. I never wanted to let anyone down or miss out on the next big social event. Now as I enter my thirties and many crews later there is a few things I have learned about "friendship"
People Come And They Go.
Some of us are lucky enough to make friends that last a life time. I know I have a couple of those, but the reality is that as we grow. So do they. There are some moments in life that may pull you apart. Different school choice, careers, lifestyles. This was a lesson I learned when I decided I no longer wanted to be the party girl. I started placing focus on taking care of myself. I didn't have many fallen outs but friendships that grew apart. It was during those times that the friendships I held were surround by getting drunk and it no longer served me. I still like to go out and dance but I prefer not to be so hungover the next day I can't function. I was happy being the DD but it didn't always make those around me comfortable with my new views on drinking. Those perceptions were not my own and something they had to work on for themselves. This wasn't the first time I lost friends. I outgrew some after getting married, after becoming a mom and recently a new business owner. The more I went after the life I wanted. Not all of the friends I had understood it, or wanted it. Therefore, it created a space. I didn't want to keep doing what I have always done and they weren't interested in the direction I was going. Like any growth the universe will ALWAYS push us towards people who are meant to teach us, challenge us and even sometime grow with us. There is always people there for you to befriend. Those who will serve you now and the life you envision for your future.
It Isn't About How Many Friends You Have
As I continued to grow I also learned that it wasn't about having a boat load of friends. It was about having quality relationships. Those that provide something to everyone involved in the relationship. During my time with lots of friends I had been taken advantage of and I was an enabler for negativity. I thought I was being a good friend by answering every text message and phone call. I would feel bad if I couldn't help a friend out. However, my purpose as a friend isn't to solve everyones problems. The more friends I had, the more problems I had. The more friends, the less time I had to truly be a good friends. I was stretching myself too thin and not building real lasting friendships. I can't always be there for people, when I have no time for myself. The more boundaries I began to set to protect my own space, the more friends that dropped off. When I started to honour and value my time. Therefore, prioritizing myself as number one in the equation. I lost more friends. However, the friends that stayed with me during this transition I can give them the best of me. I am more available in ways I have never been when I had more friends than I could count. It is really true w
FOMO. It's doesn't serve anyone.
I use you to be so worried about missing out. I would go out when I knew I just needed to rest. I would go to parties I was terribly uncomfortable at. I was spending time with people who were bringing me down versus lifting me up. All because I had this Fear Of Missing Out ( FOMO) It was because I was so insecure at the time. I was afraid to spend time with myself. I lost myself in all the different crews and I began to feel overwhelmed by who I was becoming. She was over weight, drank to much and lacked passion for anything. I recently heard the term JOMO. The Joys Of Missing Out. When I started to take more space. I learned, I liked being in my own company. I had real interest. Passions of my own. I would never have found these if I didn't get brave and started to saying no, way more often.
Now as I in my thirties. I have learned to spend my time with people who challenge me to do better. Who support me and don't need me to fix their problems. I can be a better friend without needing a huge crew. I like spending time with those who want to share ideas and visions. I believe in quality time over quantity. I love my own company and I put myself out there way more. It hasn't been easy making friends. I step out of my comfort zone often and ask new people to spend time with me. Just like all elements of life. I wanted to surround myself with a certain type of people. Therefore, I have to put myself around those people. Attending networking events, taking classes, sending a message through the DM. I have met some of the coolest people because of it. Even though each time I get nervous. I have made some new friendships that have impacted my life and excited to see what other people will come my way.